August blog challenge: day 14

What’s your dream? How has it changed over the years?

My dreams/goals (whatever you want to call them) used to be very specific: I wanted to find love. I wanted to be a successful lawyer. I wanted to go here, there, everywhere. You get the idea.

Nowadays, my dream is simple: I want time. I want to grow old with my husband and see where this journey takes us. I want to see my kids grow up and see who they become. I want to meet their kids, if they decide to have them. I want to meet whoever they decide to spend their lives with. Yes, I want to travel and experience new things, but more importantly I just want to be around for whatever happens.

Being diagnosed with cancer at 33 changed the way I think about my future. It’s not about the little details so much anymore. I just want to have a future that I get to spend with the people I love most. That doesn’t mean that I’m not working toward a variety of goals, but it does mean that for me, in a big way, it really is more about the destination than the journey. My dream is to live to be a little old lady. I want to sit next to my husband, and watch our grandchildren open Christmas presents. I want that very, very much.

Next year I’ll be 40. There was a time when I wasn’t so sure I’d make it this far. I’m so grateful for the time I’ve had, but I hope I get a lot more.

I went to see my rheumatologist this afternoon and I managed to get two potential clients out of it.

After my appointment, I was standing next to the nurse’s station scheduling my next appointment when a tech mistaked me for a drug rep because I “dress so nice.” Ha! So I jokingly said: it’s worse than that, I’m a lawyer! They asked my speciality, and next thing I know I’m passing out business cards. This sort of thing happens more than you’d think.

I had x-rays taken of my hands. They’re in poor shape. Even I could see the joint damage on the film. Fucking arthritis.

She wants me to stop running because she can feel the swelling in my knees, but I was like: listen, I’m already getting fat because of menopause. You can’t take away the only exercise I enjoy. So she sighed and told me I better start wearing my knee braces.

Follow up in six months. I better weigh ten pounds less by then. Their scale was fucking brutal today. 🤬

wasting time

I said I wasn’t going to drink until Thursday this week (because calories), and I won’t, but fuck I want to. Not as a coping mechanism or anything, but just because I fucking love beer. And wine. And tequila. Ain’t no shame in my game.

Today was a weird day. I was supposed to be off (like every Monday), but I went in because we are short staffed right now, and I’m the boss, so… There is all this low level angst and drama in the atmosphere right now, and I just can’t. I just want to scream at everyone, “Get your fucking shit together and stop acting like a goddamned child already.”  Just stop pouting and do your fucking job. It isn’t that hard, I promise.

Fuck, man.

I did leave early today. Around 2:30. I’ve been spending the afternoon with my kid and my dog. The kid starts school Wednesday morning. This was our last day of summer break together.

I’m not really sad to see summer coming to an end. I’m not a big fan of summer, except that D loves summer, and it makes me happy for him to be happy.

Things I’ve bought today:
The Rose All Day palette by Karity. Woot!
Tickets to the Lemp Haunted Walking Tour. Double woot!
Thrive+ – because we are almost out and that shit is fucking legit. I’m going to need it over the next few weekends. We have like 3 or 4 kid free weekends in a row due to scheduling issues and holidays, so we have some fun adult shit planned.
An embroidered collar for Bismarck.

The missing RiekAlts just got home, so ttfn.