I’m grateful that I’m able to wrap my arms around my sweet boy tonight, especially knowing that so many little kids lost their lives today.  Words cannot adequately express how horrible a tragedy this is, so I won’t even try.  I’ll just say that my heart is breaking for all of those parents. Losing a child is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.  It’s wrong on so many levels.  What a disgusting fucking waste.

I met my oncologist today.  He’s very nice.  Next Friday, I have to do an echocardiogram to make sure my heart is healthy enough to withstand chemo. My oncologist is conducting a trial, and has asked me to participate.  The study is being done to find out if using Taxotere and Cytoxan is as good as using different combinations of chemo drugs, which include the drug Adriamycin.  Adriamycin is the go to breast cancer chemo drug, but it has a lot of nasty side effects.  He is hoping to show that using just Taxotere and Cytoxan gives the same (or better) result, with less side effects.  If I’m accepted into the trial, I will be randomly assigned a course of treatment.  I figure it can’t hurt to give it a shot.  If I declined, I would get the standard course of treatment, which would include Adriamycin. So why not give it a go?  Having less side effects would be great.  I’ll lose my hair either way.  Oh well.  I’m starting to get used to the idea. I’d very much like to avoid the potential heart complications and leukemia that can result from taking Adriamycin. 

Dr. Naughton also told me that I should expect to receive radiation therapy after the chemo is over, due to the lymph node involvement.  I haven’t decided whether I will consent to that treatment.  I’m not too keen on having radiation, for a number of reasons, and it is going to take some convincing beyond the standard, “This is what we do just to be safe with someone your age."  That’s not good enough.  I want to see proof that I have a lower risk of recurrence with radiation.  Otherwise, it’s not happening.

I spent a lot of money today on shows.  I bought two tickets to see Tegan & Sara in March. I bought three tickets to see Sesame Street Live in January at the Peabody.  Grant and I are taking Jackson.  I’m excited because we have really great seats.  I know Jackson will be so excited.  Seeing him happy makes me happy.

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