I had a dream last night that I had recovered enough to resume running.  In the dream, I was happily running along, and then I looked down and my left arm was huge and swollen.  I had gotten lymphedema during the run.  I woke up with a gasp (because I’m always dramatic, even while sleeping), and was quite relieved that it was only a dream.

Cancer is now taking over my dreams.  This is bullshit.

As happy as I am that all of the nodes she removed were negative, I’m more than a little annoyed that I had an unnecessary surgery.  My gut told me not to do it, and I questioned my surgeon about it, but she told me that in my situation she recommended it 100%.  So I did it. For nothing.  On the other hand, if I hadn’t done it, I would be sitting here right now wondering if the cancer was slowly spreading around while I wait for chemo to kill it off.  So…it’s a no win situation. 

Fuck it.  I’m just going to be happy about it.  I am going to beat this shit. Some people aren’t that lucky.

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