I’ve been driving around with a wedding dress in the trunk of my car. My ex gave it to me on Tuesday night, and was basically like, I can’t even with this shit anymore. I totally get that, and so I put the giant box in my trunk. It was an awkward exchange, and I left feeling really shitty. I drove off crying and listening to all the super emo Tegan and Sara songs I could find.
Just because you need something, doesn’t mean you want it. I think people forget that sometimes. I’m not trying to imply I’m not happy, because I am. With the exception of the cancer, I am very pleased with where I find myself right now. I am so close to being ridiculously happy. Still, it’s hard to end a 14 year relationship, and Tuesday night showed me that healing is still a work in progress.
I haven’t taken the dress out of the trunk yet, because I have no idea what to do with it. It’s a $1200.00 dress that I wore for six hours, eight years ago. It has been treated and preserved in a giant box, for which there is no room in my apartment. To throw it away seems wrong. To keep it seems burdensome both physically and emotionally. I don’t know what to do, and so it sits in the trunk.
Maybe I’ll feel up to dealing with it tomorrow. Baby steps.