I’m bedridden today. It sucks. I woke up and my body was like, “yeah…no." So I’m lying in bed with my laptop. I’m bored. I finally finished The Passage, so now I need something else to read. Any suggestions? By the way, I don’t recommend The Passage. I typically enjoy apocalypse stories, but this one was way too long, and not terribly interesting. I only finished it because I really hate giving up on stuff. Plus, I had somehow read over 400 pages before realizing it kind of sucked. At that point, there was no way I was giving up.
I’m feeling really cancery lately. I’m tired all the time. The skin on my feet is peeling off. I have a bald spot on my left eyebrow. The Taxol related pain is lingering. I want to fast forward to the 12th, do the last chemo, suffer the side effects, and call it good. The waiting is killing me.
I ran 1.2 miles yesterday. It took like 13 minutes, and I felt like I was going to collapse. I’m so out of shape now. It’s really hard, but I’m trying to stay positive about it. It’s easy for me to get down on myself about every little thing, because I am a perfectionist. I demand a lot from myself. However, I know that I cannot expect to go right back to running a nine minute mile. I have to work at it. My body has been through hell these last few months. I should be grateful that I have the ability to run at all. I will work hard to get back to where I was, but I need to accept that if it doesn’t happen that’s okay too. The goal is to never give up on improving myself. All I can do is try. As long as I’m trying, I’m winning.
Hopefully this makes sense. I’m a little high right now.