I took my first dose of methotrexate about an hour ago and I’m already nauseous. I take six pills once per week.

The list of potential side effects are ridiculously long, and cover just about everything short of death. My favorite is ‘general body discomfort’ because what the fuck does that even mean? I have general body discomfort every day. Aren’t I taking this to stop the general body discomfort? Hmm.

The list of serious side effects is really long and very scary. One that stood out was: vomit that looks like coffee grounds. Lovely. I’d hate to be the unlucky fucker who experienced that one, but I’d be cool with loss of appetite and unexplained weight loss.

Also, I think cancer perks should include: picking the side effects you experience and choosing where your hair grows back. Just saying.