things aren’t as pretty on the inside

I’m officially divorced. 

The hearing was this morning, and at approximately 11:12 a.m. the judge dissolved our marriage.  It was quite the depressing affair.  It felt strange to be there as a client and not as a lawyer.  I had plenty of time to sit in the courtroom and contemplate how sad it all really is.  I saw at least five other marriages end before it was our turn. All of those people left looking the same way I felt: resigned, sad, and tired.

In a non-legal sense, the marriage has been over for a long time, so it feels silly to be upset about it now, but I am upset.  While I recognize, and have for some time, that this is for the best, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  I still remember being that young girl who was so excited and so in love on her wedding day.  August 8, 2004 will always be one of the best days of my life.

It breaks my heart to know that I hurt someone that I care about.  I wish there was a pill I could take to fix it all.  I certainly would.  But there isn’t, and I can’t.  So now it’s time to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward. It’s time to let myself be happy.  I hope he can do the same.

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