It’s emotionally exhausting to constantly go from feeling depressed to chastising yourself for not appreciating how lucky you are.

I need my emotions to even out.  I’m worried the next few months will be hard for me, as everything is a reminder of what I was doing one year ago. Those reminders then lead me to worry if a year from now I’ll be back in that same place.

I can’t live like this.

The rational part of me understands that sometimes I just need to release these thoughts, and then I will feel better.  Hence this post. 

It’s hard to be rational when your head is cloudy from pain and drugs. But I will try.

It’s okay to be sad sometimes.
It’s okay to worry that my cancer will come back.
It’s okay to cry.

It’s not okay to let these things take over for very long.
It’s not okay to waste this second chance.
I’m lucky.
My kid is healthy, smart, sweet, and amazing. He knows I adore him.
I’m in love and it’s intoxicating.
I’m successful.
I’m well loved, and I know it.
I’m lucky.

That helped.