the future is no place to place your better days

I have adored that lyric since 1996, but since cancer entered my life it has become even more significant. You never know how many days you have left. It feels foolish to squander the present.  That’s what was going through my head when I walked into Siteman Cancer Center this afternoon for my appointment with the oncologist. I was ready for a fight.

I didn’t get a fight. Not even close. I got a hug, and genuine sympathy. He told me I should absolutely take the next two months to be drug free, and give the hair a chance to grow unimpaired. We talked for a while about the various and lingering side effects of chemo and Tamoxifen. He has suggestions on how to manage some of those, but he was most adamant about the need for counseling.  Apparently there is a therapist on site who specializes in cancer related issues. He thinks it would be very helpful.  As he put it, “You get cancer and you don’t have time to do anything but fight to stay alive.  But after treatment ends, that shit hits you hard and you are grasping for a way to make sense of it all. It’s almost like PTSD.”

So I guess I’ll give it a try.  It can’t hurt, and it’s free.  

I feel so much better about things right now. 

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