I’m so exhausted. I woke up at five this morning because I had to be in bk court by 8:30 am in Cape Girardeau, which is like two hours away. I was not amused.
Yesterday was an epic fail. I was pretty much an exhausted, emotional mess all day. I was crying on and off all day. I started a big fight with my boyfriend. It was bad. I found out why today. I got my period for the first time in 18 months. I was not expecting that. I actually laughed. Estrogen…it’s a blessing and a curse. I guess chemopause is over.
At least I know I’m not crazy. Well not permanently anyway.
It’s too fucking hot outside. Pure misery.
I wanted to wear slacks today, because my legs are covered in bug bites from the 4th. I have exactly two pairs, and I tried both on this morning. Both of them were way too big. Oh. So I guess it’s time to go shopping. None of my court appropriate clothes fit properly anymore.
I’m in a funk. I feel absolutely hideous. I don’t want to see myself in a mirror or in a pic. I think all of my clothes suck. Nothing fits right. Nothing looks good. My hair fucking sucks. It’s still falling out, but not growing back. My eyelashes are doing their we fall out every three months bit. Just fuck off, body. Seriously. Oh and fuck off breast cancer, chemo, tamoxifen, and methotrexate. Fuck all of that shit. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
It’s okay though. I have some relaxing stuff planned for tonight. I’m going to go to bed early. I think tomorrow will be a better day. In fact, I feel better just putting this out there. So here it is. <3