My ModCloth package arrived today. Shoes are super cute. Scarf is super cute. The two dresses are a disappointment.  The one won’t button over my boobs. I’m still not used to the skinny girl with big fake boobs thing. The other one was just blah.

My wig came today also. Not sure I like it. I liked it in regular lighting. Hated it in bright lights. I just want my actual hair to look the way I want it to look. Why is that asking so much? Haven’t I dealt with enough bullshit? Between my shitty abusive childhood, my psoriatic arthritis, my craptastic marriage/divorce, and breast cancer: haven’t I suffered enough?

I saw my oncologist today. He told me that without Tamoxifen my risk of recurrence was approx 1 in 3.  With it my risk is 1 in 6. Obvs I have to take it, right? I have until October 27th to decide. I’ve already decided I’ll take it. I will wait until then to start though. Maybe it will give my hair a chance.  Though I’m pretty convinced at this point that it’s mostly the fault of methotrexate, I don’t think the Tamoxifen helped things.

I feel like people think I’m crazy when I say my hair is thinning. That’s b/c I do an excellent job of camouflaging it.  Even my hair dresser isn’t convinced. Whatever. I suppose I should just be happy about it. BUT I’M NOT.

I got drunk and sobbed. Totally had a pity party. But it’s cool b/c I feel a lot better now. Sometimes you just need to cry it out.

My cat peed all over the floor in front of her very clean/fresh litter box tonight and so I’m like wtf. I mean this was a river of fucking piss.  Not amused.  Does this mean she wants to go back to the ex?

Some bitch client cussed me out today because she’s a fucking moron and refused to listen to the advice she was given. Sometimes I want to throat punch these assholes.  It’s not my fault you didn’t pay for your car and it got repossessed. JFC.

Thank god I see my bf tomorrow b/c I really need to get laid.

Tonight I had a choice between exercise and wine. I chose wine. No fucking regrets there.

I wish I had some cheese fries with bacon, sour cream, and hot sauce. I would eat the fuck out of that.

I think I may pass out soon. I may delete this tomorrow. We shall see.