on this day

On this day, two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. Stage IIb. 

On this day, two years ago, I collapsed on the floor of my office and cried. I was certain I had received a death sentence.

On this day, two years ago, I faced the knowledge that I would lose my breasts. That I would lose my hair due to chemo treatments. I faced the reality that, like so many of us, I always chose to ignore: that I am mortal and that someday I will die, and that the moment of my death might be much sooner than I ever expected.

It would be really easy for me to fall into a depression today.  I could sit here and relive every agony I faced during those early days of being a cancer patient, and the ones I continue to face even now. I could cry and mourn the girl I used to be; the one I left behind.

Instead, I will celebrate the gift of my life. Because it is a gift. A tremendous gift. One for which I am very thankful.  Sometimes I miss the girl I used to be, but I think the woman I have become is pretty fucking fantastic, and though it hurts a little to admit it, that is at least in part due to having endured breast cancer.

So here’s to living.  Happy Cancerversary to me!

Jenn: 2

Cancer: 0

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