i came in like a wrecking ball

or Monday did anyway.

I shouldn’t have weighed myself this morning. That’s always a bad idea. Ugh.

I have issues. I get it. Let’s move on.

I have a Xanax hangover today because Sunday night anxiety was eating at me and then I received a message from a dear friend who is dying because of fucking cancer and I just fucking cant. I finally wrote him a goodbye message (which I had been putting off because then this is real) and it killed a tiny part of my heart. Fuck cancer. Fuck it so fucking hard. 

I can’t deal with that right now.  And that makes me feel like shit because he doesn’t get to not deal with it. His family doesn’t get to not deal with it. 

I’m angry. 

My face is all red and swollen from much crying last night. My head hurts. 

But seriously, thankful as fuck for Xanax. 

I have deadlines to meet today and I’m not fucking feeling it. Not even a little bit.

Yay Monday. 

But at the same time, I’m thankful as fuck to have woken up today healthy, happy (in a general sense), and loved. You have to make every day count. 

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