whatever will be, will be

I was off today so that was cool.

I slept in and had a quick run on the treadmill.

I met my cousin for lunch. I haven’t seen her in a while. She lives in Ohio. We have a crazy amount in common and I wish we could spend more time together. But she did tell me some bad news: her mom’s cancer (ovarian) is back. *sigh*  (My aunt and grandmother on that side of the family have both had cancer.)

Not too long after lunch, I got a text from a good friend saying that she thinks her cancer might be back. 

I had a panic attack in the middle of Target, thinking the entire time: it’s just a matter of time…you are so fucked. I felt like I was trying to breathe under water

My amazing boyfriend came to the rescue. He left work early and sat with me at the Starbucks (in Target), which helped me feel a lot better. I love him so much. I’m really lucky.

Afterward, I had my kid’s first Kindergarten parent/teacher conference. He’s doing well. I’m so proud of him. 

I can’t let this cancer shit define me. I can’t let it ruin whatever time I have left. I have to live my life without this constant fear. Living in fear is hardly living at all.

I’ve got this. I can do this. It’s fine. Worrying has never changed a fucking thing.  

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