Story of my life right there. Gotta love Poe. I sing that song, That Day, to myself sometimes when I’m getting ready in the morning.
Sometimes I get caught in a rut where I won’t say what I want to say here because I’m afraid it will hurt people I love in real life, like when I talk about depression and cancer. It hurts them to see me hurt.
I’ve been blogging since early law school, so like 2003. I have three IRL friends who have been following along since then: Carrie, James, and Katie. But I’ve picked up others along the way, like my bf.
I used to do my blogging on Livejournal. It was private, invitation only blogging. Back then, it was easier to treat blogging as the diary I’ve always intended it to be.
But I’ve gotta be me. That’s all we really have, ya know? Our authentic selves. Writing here is sometimes what gets me through the day. Once I get the feelings out, I always feel at least a little better, but often I feel a lot better. The bad thoughts and the worrying feel like toxins building up, and so I need to purge them periodically through writing. Maybe it’s the English major living inside of me.
I feel sorry for people who keep everything bottled up. There’s something exhilarating in letting it all go.
I think I do a pretty decent job of putting it all out there; of not making this an “omg isn’t my life fucking fabulous” sort of blog. You gotta take the good with the bad. I’ve had a lot of bad. That shit still fucks with me. I have my demons. I’m still sorting shit out, and that’s okay.
Because at the end of the day, I always know deep down that I am happy, I am lucky, I am loved, and everything bad is just temporary.
