on moving forward

I have at least four girlfriends who are currently getting divorced. It has been sort of weird (though interesting) to watch it go down. I see so many similarities between their situations and my own. In three of the four scenarios, it was the wife who initiated the divorce. The wife wasn’t happy. The wife wasn’t feeling fulfilled. She didn’t feel like she could truly become the person she was meant to be with this person as a partner. I felt all of those same feelings, in addition to others, which pushed me to do the hard thing and break up my marriage.

So anyway, the actual point of this post is that I just read a friend’s blog and in it she describes setting up her new place. The way she described the process really struck a chord with me. She commented that –

“It’s weird, stitching a life together with pieces of your past and your future. Brushing off old memories as they move into new spaces. Mourning the future that could have been and celebrating the new road ahead. Unsettled until you’re settled.”

I thought she so perfectly captured the feeling of starting over in this situation. It gave me all the feels (haha).

I remember one of the first things I did after moving out of our marital home was to get a new bed: frame and mattress. I couldn’t stand the thought of starting a new life and relationship on that marital bed. I quickly started buying other new furniture, art, blankets, and various decorative objects that reflected my own taste, which felt extremely liberating.

The one thing I haven’t parted ways with yet is the china. It’s not the wedding set. The ex kept that (though I have no idea why since he will never use it), and that’s fine by me because I never really wanted it to begin with. The set I currently use is a more casual set of dishes we purchased after we were married. Still, it feels weird to bring these dishes into my new home with D. When I look at them, I think of my ex. It’s not like I want to erase those memories, but I want a fresh start with D. Likewise, I don’t want to be eating off plates in our new home that he ate off of with his ex. So we will be getting new dishes. I think that’s fair.

I’m very much looking forward to combining our households and building our own version of home. The best is yet to come.


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