I can’t sleep. I also can’t stop coughing. These two things are related.

I went over my data allowance again so I bought 10 gb more. Still no word on when charter will lay their cables. I miss WiFi. 

I was talking to a divorced friend the other day about how strange it is to have been married to someone who is now essentially a stranger. Her ex is remarried, moved to California, has a baby, and is much more successful now. She remarked that she is very happy for him, but that it also hurts her. Why couldn’t he be that guy with her? Divorce is hard, even when the decision is mutual, as it was in their case.

Relationships can turn toxic over time. The toxicity can keep you from growing; from being the best version of yourself. I personally feel like a completely different person four and a half years post separation. 

In other unrelated news:

• I wish it would snow or at least be cold enough that it could feasibly snow.
• I am having a bad body image week. 
• When I spend too much time away from the office, I start to feel like my life is spiraling out of control. 
• I regain a feeling of control by writing to-do lists and then checking things as completed. 
• My hands hurt all the time now. My psoriatic arthritis is becoming harder to manage without the proper meds, but the docs want me to be at least five years out from my cancer diagnosis before I start them again. This has put me in quite the shitty situation. 
• Freya sleepwalks quite a bit, but tonight was the weirdest yet. A bit creepy actually. It’s weird the things we are capable of doing while we’re asleep and then have no memory of.
• Speaking of Frey, I stood in a torrential downpour around 9pm to pick her up from a school trip. D had a work thing tonight so I stepped in. I was happy to do so, but I def think I’m earning my step-mom badge. Haha. 
• Jackson is such a good sleeper. He always has been. He’s asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.
• Tomorrow starts a long weekend of just me and D. I’m looking forward to some alone time. 
• I actually watched the baseball game tonight. Well…part of it anyway. God that shit is boring. 
• I guess I should try sleeping. I have a purring twenty pound cat on my chest so I don’t know how easy it will be. I could move her of course, but…
• D is next to me snoring lightly. I’m glad he’s asleep. He had a long day. 
• I wrote this on my phone so please forgive any typos.