We have been seeing D’s ex a lot recently because Freya has basketball games every Saturday. At the first one, I made a point of us (D, Jackson, and I) sitting next to her because it seemed ridiculous and rude to not sit next to her. So we did, and we have at every game since. I think it has gone fairly well. We make small talk. We are polite. It feels less weird every time. I can tell it makes Freya happy, so it’s a win as far as I’m concerned.
I’m frustrated that my ex isn’t as mature. Jackson wants to join a baseball team this spring, and I already know that my ex is going to throw a fit when I bring D to the games. In the past, I have done what I could to accommodate the fact that I know my ex doesn’t want to see D, but I can’t continue to do so. It has been (almost) five years. I’m not saying he has to get over it; he’s obviously entitled to feel his feelings (whatever those may be). However, I’m not going to accommodate him in this regard any longer. It’s not like D is going anywhere. We live together and are getting married. He’s going to be Jackson’s step-father, and they love each other. Jackson doesn’t like this divide in his family. He needs to see the three of us make an effort. He needs to feel our collective love and support. He wants all of us to be at his games, and so that’s what is going to happen.
I have to find a way to have this conversation with him while maintaining my composure and kindness. I’m not trying to belittle his feelings. I just happen to believe that in this particular scenario Jackson’s feelings are more important. Nobody said parenting would be easy.
So…this should be fun.
2 thoughts on “don’t look back in anger”
But he does have to get over it if the “it” is Dave being part of Jackson’s life. He also brought someone new into Jackson’s life because that’s what you do when you move on separately. I think it’s time to stop being accommodating and give him a dose of reality. Like you said, it’s not going to change and he’s had plenty of time to adjust, so protecting his feelings should no longer be your concern – it’s all about what’s best for Jackson.
That’s always going to be a difficult situation. You’re looking at it the correct way. Reading that you have a healthier perspective is refreshing. All too often it seems like the comments people make about dealing with their ex are consistent with immature or vindictive behavior. Behavior that you’d think they have to realize is not good for the kids. Behavior that is selfish. This is the first time I’ve ever read your blog. I’ll have to make a note to check back here more often.
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