On Monday afternoon, I was talking to Jackson about his weekend with his dad, and he mentioned that his dads’s gf (Abby) had spent time with them. This lead to a candid conversation about her (because I’m curious, ok?!!!) in which Jackson told me he would like it if she became his step-mom.
I had a lot of different feelings about this. Obviously, I’m happy that he likes her enough to say something like that since it means she is being good to him. But then there is a not so nice part of me that wants to throw my arms around him and scream, “MINE!”
Abby is about ten years younger than me and doesn’t have kids of her own. This worries me a bit, but ultimately I know his dad wouldn’t bring someone unworthy into his life. I guess my biggest concern is that she won’t understand certain boundaries. For example, my business partner is divorced and he once told me about how his kids’ new step-dad insisted the boys call him dad. This, obviously, pushed my partner over the edge. He seriously lost his fucking shit over this. But I totally get it. (And shame on his ex-wife for even allowing such a thing to happen in the first place).
I’m (essentially) a step-mom myself, and I try to be aware of my actions and make every attempt to not overstep. I love Freya very much, but I am not her mother, and I never will be. I talk to her about her mom all the time, to make sure Freya realizes that there is nothing to feel awkward about. That is her mom. End of story. Hopefully, her mom recognizes my feelings on this and doesn’t fret about it too much. Some fretting is inevitable, I’m thinking. See paragraph #2. Haha.
Who knows…maybe Abby will even end up reading this. I know if I was her I would have internet stalked me a long time ago, found this blog, and read it from beginning to end. I read D’s ex’s blog in its entirety over the period of a week once upon a time. I think it is critical to know something about someone who is going to be playing an important role in your life for a long time to come. A little empathy and understanding goes a long way.
One thought on “so many feels”
Good on you (and, presumably, D) for not making this step stuff any harder than it needs to be. My dad made things soooooo hard for me and his wife – we’re mostly fine now, but I’m 30(mumblesmphf) years old and it was a long-ass time before we got from “yikes, how do we?” through to “mostly okay, I like her fine” territory. And yes, he did the thing where he insisted I call her mom (nether of us was cool with that, though, which added even more stress and caused him to get super weird, but that’s a story for my blog, not yours) so… NOBODY DO THAT, OKAY? It’s bad.
And the desire to be the only woman in your son’s life is totally normal. I know you weren’t thinking of it that way, but that’s (I suspect) a big part of your reaction. You don’t have a problem with him having a Dad and a D and a Freya, so it’s not like you’re actually a selfish person who thinks he only needs you… which means you were going to face this someday, anyway. If that helps.
It probably doesn’t. I’m bad at advice… come by when you need some good snark, I’ve got bottles of it 😉
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