this is a mess, but bear with me

I did a thing today.

I posted on Facebook asking for friends to share their blogs and in return I shared mine. So now there are a bunch of “real life” people reading this and I’m kind of freaking out like ahhhh wtf did I do. But really, what’s the big deal, right? That’s what I told myself when I posted the link anyway. Who even cares when there are so many other things – real fucking meaningful things – happening in the world?

I had a long post in mind earlier about random stuff that’s going on, but then I found out that a friend passed away and it seemed silly to post something so trivial. Then I found myself writing a bunch of poems, one of which I posted earlier. She was so young and it was unexpected. Even if we only knew each other via the internet, and hadn’t yet met in real life, that doesn’t mean our friendship wasn’t real.

Fuck.

Anyway, back to my original point: I inspired a few people to start blogging, which is very exciting to me. My cousin remarked that he had been searching for a creative outlet and that this felt good. Writing/blogging/whatever you want to call it – it’s cathartic. That’s why I’ve managed to keep going for the last 14 years.

Wow…that’s sort of a mind fuck. 14 years of my life recorded over various blogs. It all started over at LiveJournal. I barely check over there now.  Lawgirljenn was the original. I met a lot of awesome people over there. Some of whom I am still good friends with today.

A friend posted in her Tumblr blog that we shouldn’t refer to friends we’ve met online as “not in real life” because this is real life. And she’s right. My feelings transcend the computer screen. I’ve connected with so many amazing people, some of whom I’ve known for years, and yet I have never talked to them face to face. And that’s okay. It doesn’t change how much I love them.

This isn’t my first friend who has died, and I know it won’t be the last. It never gets any easier to accept.

RIP, Lauren. You were one of the good ones, and the world is a darker place without you in it.

xoxo

One thought on “this is a mess, but bear with me

  1. I struggle with this. I used to be far more open about my blog than I am now – even though it’s attached to my name at WordPress. I’ve been “outed” a few times too – linked to on FB by friends, who liked a post.

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