We were hate watching OITNB, as we do (we finally finished btw), and there was a scene where one character says to another (no spoilers here!):

All she ever wanted was for someone to reassure her that she was worthy of love.

I turned to D and told him that I feel like the reason I’ll occasionally blow up and push him to his limits is because I want to test him. I want him to prove to me that I’m worthy of his love, and that he loves me even at my worst. I grew up in a toxic atmosphere where I never felt loved, and even though I have come so far from all of that, it still creeps in now and again. I recognize this is something I need to work on, and I plan to do so. This post – aka admitting I have an issue – is the first step.