It’s extremely rare for me to sleep through the night. It’s one of the reasons I’m always so exhausted. Sometimes it’s because the cat wakes me up looking for food and/or cuddles. (Her favorite way to wake me up is by knocking something over and then meowing in my face until I finally get out of bed). Sometimes it’s because D wakes me up for sex. (This is my favorite obviously). Most often, it’s because I am awakened by my old lady bladder and then simply can’t fall back to sleep. Getting old is a bitch.
During these periods of insomnia/consciousness, my mind starts going in a thousand directions, thoughts racing, and it’s hard to turn them off. Current things to obsess over include:
- our shitty political situation/administration
- the kids and if they are happy/okay/healthy, etc.
- my health situation
- wedding planning stresses
- work stuff (but not as much as in the past thank goodness)
- my body/old age
- relationship stuff (though admittedly not often. i’m lucky that way).
- random fuckery not worth rehashing
Nothing too unusual there.
I used to take sleeping pills, but after trying five or six different prescription and non-prescription options, I gave up on them because I hate feeling groggy the next morning. Plus, I take too many pills as it is. Also, some of them, like Ambien, make me do weird things… like hallucinate. One time I thought I was buried beneath a pile of demonic dolls. That shit was fucking cray.
My favorite thing to do while I’m lying awake in bed? Listen to D softly snoring next to me. That never gets old. We have a queen sized bed so we are always close to one another. Every time we talk about getting a new, king sized bed, we decide against it because we like the closeness. There’s an intimacy to having a queen size bed that is lacking in the king.
I do, however, want new pillows, a new comforter and duvet. I’ll be working on that this weekend.