It’s extremely rare for me to sleep through the night. It’s one of the reasons I’m always so exhausted. Sometimes it’s because the cat wakes me up looking for food and/or cuddles. (Her favorite way to wake me up is by knocking something over and then meowing in my face until I finally get out of bed). Sometimes it’s because D wakes me up for sex. (This is my favorite obviously). Most often, it’s because I am awakened by my old lady bladder and then simply can’t fall back to sleep. Getting old is a bitch.

During these periods of insomnia/consciousness, my mind starts going in a thousand directions, thoughts racing, and it’s hard to turn them off. Current things to obsess over include:

• our shitty political situation/administration
• the kids and if they are happy/okay/healthy, etc.
• my health situation
• wedding planning stresses
• work stuff (but not as much as in the past thank goodness)
• my body/old age
• relationship stuff (though admittedly not often. i’m lucky that way).
• random fuckery not worth rehashing

Nothing too unusual there.

I used to take sleeping pills, but after trying five or six different prescription and non-prescription options, I gave up on them because I hate feeling groggy the next morning. Plus, I take too many pills as it is. Also, some of them, like Ambien, make me do weird things… like hallucinate. One time I thought I was buried beneath a pile of demonic dolls. That shit was fucking cray.

My favorite thing to do while I’m lying awake in bed? Listen to D softly snoring next to me. That never gets old. We have a queen sized bed so we are always close to one another. Every time we talk about getting a new, king sized bed, we decide against it because we like the closeness. There’s an intimacy to having a queen size bed that is lacking in the king.

I do, however, want new pillows, a new comforter and duvet. I’ll be working on that this weekend.