in the middle of the night

It’s extremely rare for me to sleep through the night. It’s one of the reasons I’m always so exhausted. Sometimes it’s because the cat wakes me up looking for food and/or cuddles. (Her favorite way to wake me up is by knocking something over and then meowing in my face until I finally get out of bed). Sometimes it’s because D wakes me up for sex. (This is my favorite obviously). Most often, it’s because I am awakened by my old lady bladder and then simply can’t fall back to sleep. Getting old is a bitch.

During these periods of insomnia/consciousness, my mind starts going in a thousand directions, thoughts racing, and it’s hard to turn them off. Current things to obsess over include:

  • our shitty political situation/administration
  • the kids and if they are happy/okay/healthy, etc.
  • my health situation
  • wedding planning stresses
  • work stuff (but not as much as in the past thank goodness)
  • my body/old age
  • relationship stuff (though admittedly not often. i’m lucky that way).
  • random fuckery not worth rehashing

Nothing too unusual there.

I used to take sleeping pills, but after trying five or six different prescription and non-prescription options, I gave up on them because I hate feeling groggy the next morning. Plus, I take too many pills as it is. Also, some of them, like Ambien, make me do weird things… like hallucinate. One time I thought I was buried beneath a pile of demonic dolls. That shit was fucking cray.

My favorite thing to do while I’m lying awake in bed? Listen to D softly snoring next to me. That never gets old. We have a queen sized bed so we are always close to one another. Every time we talk about getting a new, king sized bed, we decide against it because we like the closeness. There’s an intimacy to having a queen size bed that is lacking in the king.

I do, however, want new pillows, a new comforter and duvet. I’ll be working on that this weekend.

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2 thoughts on “in the middle of the night

  1. Your lucky to be soothed by the snoring. I needed a king size bed because I wanted my husband to at least have a chance to escape me murdering him because of his snoring. I figure the farther I have to travel before snuffing him out, the better chance we have of celebrating our fiftieth anniversart.

  2. On about beds, I’ve always noticed that if I go away, when I come back my side of the bed has invariably been taken over – stuff on the bedside cabinet, clothes folded on my side, etc 🙂

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