Truths from the heart

❤️I’m in a group text with D and his ex regarding their daughter who is often in my care…so it makes sense and I’m pleased to be in the loop. BUT…there’s something still slightly triggering whenever I see their names next to each other like that: David & Karen – that’s what it says when I open the text thread and with their pics right next to one another. Like a couple. 5 1/2 years in, with a wedding 3 months away, and little things like that can still occasionally spark an emotional reaction. Aren’t emotions the worst sometimes? 

❤️I’m certain this reaction stems from the first year of our relationship where I was convinced he would go back to her, despite his reassurances that it would never happen. Whenever we split up (and there were a few break ups before we got it right) that’s where my head would always go. “Oh he’ll take the easy road of mediocrity instead of the rocky road that leads to great happiness.” I’m so thankful I was wrong. 

❤️I think of that situation whenever I hear the song Back to Black by Amy Winehouse, which always reduces me to tears. Sucks too because it’s a favorite of mine. I got drunk and sang it when it came on at last year’s Halloween party; then cried on my bestie’s shoulder. Lol

❤️Another somewhat related and similarly petty truth? Once a couple of years back, a friend of Dave’s commented on a pic of his, “Didn’t ex-wife teach you how to take a proper selfie?” This was well after their divorce and it really pissed me off. I held the grudge all the way up to a few months ago when we met her and her husband for dinner.

❤️And finally, a related but not at all petty, truth. I feel this one in my bones. I’ll always and forever be jealous that I won’t have a child with Dave but she did. I love our lifestyle and I know that a baby would change everything.  Rationally, I don’t want that. But…

thanks for reading 

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4 thoughts on “Truths from the heart

  1. I think perhaps everybody has hangups – some people just bury them deeper than others. I think you’re tremendously brave to write about this stuff – but then that’s probably why I like you so much in the first place 🙂

  2. Probably not helpful but maybe a li’l bit: it’s just as weird for him to see his ex-wife and his fiancée paired, like he’s some sort of serial marriage guy. And you can bet there’s a part of her (hopefully a teeny part, but even the healthiest person has an inner hater) that sneers every time she sees J&D on her phone, just like it’ll be on the invitations, and your mailbox, and every other goddamned thing for the rest of your happily-ever-after lives (or until he fucks up his second marriage, inner hater might whisper).

    Is any of that stuff true or even reasonable? Nope. (Not even, I’m sorry to say, the happily-ever-after thing—take it from happily-married-for-twelve-years, though that fairy-tale ending always sounded boring to me.) But family is tough, and blended family is complicated; give yourself space to acknowledge the weirdness of little things from time to time, so it doesn’t build up on you.

    • Totally makes sense. I try to make a point of seeing things from her point of view when I can. I try not to take things as personal slights, like when she blocked me on Facebook, because I get it. It has to be hard to see me with “her” family.

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