So I’m still reading I Am That Girl and this current chapter very much speaks to an experience I myself have had: loss of self in a relationship.

When I was with my ex, I changed so much of myself to be the person I thought he wanted me to be and/or that I needed to be to make the relationship work. I realized to some extent that it was happening, but I thought that was simply what being in a relationship was all about. It wasn’t until after our split that I realized just how much of myself I had pushed aside to be a part of a couple. I gave up so many things: personal style, decorating style, hobbies, friends. I watched shows and movies I didn’t care about. I stopped watching shows and movies I did care about. I had to listen to his music all the time. I had to do what he wanted. He didn’t like to go out, so we didn’t go out. All these little things added up over time, and in the end all of those little paper cuts were the death of our relationship.

It has been a little over five years since we split up, and I am so pleased with the person I have become. It felt like a rebirth. I’m free to be me…finally, and I’ve realized that being just Jenn is pretty fucking awesome; that people love me for who I am. I regained myself, and by doing so I am a much better partner to D than I would have been otherwise. He doesn’t want someone who bends to his every whim. That’s boring as shit! He loves me for who I am. He takes the good with the bad. I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone who loves me for the unique person that I am…the non-filtered Jenn.

Don’t change yourself to be what you think someone else wants you to be. Be true to yourself, love yourself, and this will not only make you a happier person, but also a better partner.


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