maybe. maybe not.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my day hanging out with Freya, and I’m feeling so grateful that I ended up with a daughter after all. I always wanted a daughter. I didn’t even have to give birth to her. Score.

Last night, Dave and I were talking about how good our kids are. They’re both genuinely sweet, kind people, and possess an innocence I’m not sure I ever had. I hope they can somehow hold onto that, instead of turning into cynical assholes like us.

It makes me sort of sad that my baby making days are behind me. There’s a part of me that would love to raise a mini version of Dave and myself. But then I think of all the amazing experiences that await us; things we couldn’t do with a baby to raise, and I feel excited for all the possibilities. In the next few years alone, there are many travel plans in the works: exotic beach vacations, exploring Paris, kayaking in Norway, hiking in Peru…

And then there’s also all the quiet moments spent at home, just the two of us. Those moments are often the best ones. A baby would change our entire dynamic. And I’d miss the “old” us. I know I would. I know he would as well.

It’s easy to fall into the “what-ifs,” but really everything is perfect just the way it is. I feel incredibly lucky to have these two beautiful children, and to have found someone I absolutely adore to spend the rest of my life with.

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