I’ve come out to my husband already, and so I’m just going to say it here:
I’m depressed; like in a dark place and should probably take meds depressed.
I have no motivation. I feel completely overwhelmed all the time. My anxiety is raging. I can’t sleep. I cry for no reason. I’m wanting to isolate myself (even more than usual). I’m angry. It’s not good.
It’s not really surprising considering my history with depression combined with the massive changes in my body over the last couple of months. The complete loss of estrogen is a huge fucking deal.
I tried Effexor, but that just made things worse. I got suicidal. I don’t particularly want to take meds, but I know I should at least consider it. I need to get a new primary care doc like asap.
My current plan is to increase my exercise. I do usually feel a lot better mentally when I’m exercising regularly. And hopefully find a way to get more restful sleep. I’ve been taking Benadryl at bedtime for allergies and it has helped a bit with my insomnia. Also, D has kicked the cat out of the bedroom because she kept waking us (mostly me) up. That has helped a lot too.
It feels good to just say it, actually. Like a bit of the burden has been lifted. I’m tired of having to pretend I’m okay when I’m really not. That doesn’t mean I don’t have fun or good moments/days. Just overall…I’m feeling down and I need love and understanding to help me through it.