the current state of me

I’m kind of proud of myself right now. I’m not taking any shit anymore, and it feels good. I’m saying what I think. I’m pushing back when push back is necessary. I’m not worried about what people think about what I think/feel/say. Fuck it. Nobody ever got anywhere in this world by being meek. Especially a woman.

So far…I’m seeing results. Honestly, even if I don’t see the results I wanted, this whole experiment has been very liberating.

In related news, I’m tired of being stressed, anxious, and grumpy all the fucking time. I’m sick of not sleeping because I’m worried about shit I have no control over. Now, I can only do so much about my insomnia, but I can do a lot about my own attitude,. I have made a concerted effort today to not let the usual shit get me down. I can’t live my entire life angry about shit that I cannot change. I have to learn to shake this shit off. I have to save my anger for the shit it’s worth getting ragey over.

It’s like an old colleague of mine used to say, “You can’t fix stupid.” A saying of my own, which definitely applies, and that I need to remember is, “I can’t care more about your life than you do.”

I’m not going to put my well being, the well being of my family, and that of my law firm on the back burner for anyone anymore.

I’m also trying to do little acts of kindness to improve someone’s day. It makes me happy. It’s the little things. Also, karma and all that jazz.

I know I’m going to have bad moments, days, maybe even weeks, but it’s good to remind myself that nothing is fucked, and I do have control over my thinking, decisions, and attitude.


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