I wish my ex-husband would actually hear me when we talk about why we split up.
He blames the entire thing on D, and so he despises him, like can’t even look at him. Last night, at Jackson’s event, G was there with his gf and mom, and once again requested that D, F, and I sit as far away as possible and not approach him. Jackson had to visit us first and only then go over to his dad who waiting as far away as he could get. I always get a call from G before any event asking if D will be there. This has been going on for seven years now.
I know he has the right to feel however he feels. But it’s obvious to me that he blames D because otherwise he’d have to be mad at me. He says that D manipulated me and took advantage of me when I was vulnerable, and that’s why all this happened.
I want to be clear about something: that is 100% not the case. I played an active roll in this betrayal. I wanted it. D wanted to tell them we had fallen in love and try to figure it out. I’m the one who wanted to keep it a secret. I’m the one who broke my marriage vows to G. I’m the one who was unhappy and had been looking for an out. I’m the one he should really be mad at, and until he works through that shit, we can never really make progress.
Does it really matter if he can’t ever get it together to be cordial with D? I think it matters to Jackson. I think we should all try to get along for his sake. I think it’s going to matter more and more as the years go on.
I’ve had this conversation with him several times over the years, but he just won’t listen. He doesn’t want to hear it. I can live with it, and so can D – we knew there would be consequences. I just wish G would allow himself to let go of that hatred so that he could truly heal.
D’s ex said something recently that stuck with me. She said, “It’s never been about you, it’s him,” meaning he’s the one she’s angry with. She certainly has every right to be angry with me too, and I’m sure she is on some level, and definitely was back in the day I know, but she should be mostly mad at him; just like G should be mostly mad at me.
Just be mad at me. It’s okay. I can take it.