Mind fuckery

We told the kids. They’re upset, obviously, but it went better than we expected. I think it helped that it wasn’t a total shock. We pretty quickly changed the subject to include discussing upcoming vacations, which got them very excited.

We aren’t discussing timelines. We’re just living.

It’s weird living in the face of other people’s grief over you. I’m already being mourned, and I’m not even gone yet. It’s a mind fuck.

My back hurts tonight. It’s also a mind fuck to know that’s because cancer is eating my bones.

For fuck’s sake.

Anyhoo – I’ve drugged myself, and look forward to a few blissful hours of oblivion whenever these pills finally kick in. I’m thankful tomorrow is Saturday, and I have nowhere to be.

I’m thinking about popping onto the Breast Cancer.org Metastatic board and introducing myself. Might as well get some support from people who understand this shit show.

I don’t want the rest of my life to be about this. I’m hoping that after this initial diagnosis period passes, my life will go back to some sort of normal.

I felt pretty icky tonight – the after effects of the anesthesia and colonoscopy.

We watched Khan and it was awesome.

Tomorrow I think we’re going to plan the party.

I also need to exercise. Do some cleaning. Read/research. Get the business tax shit organized and sent to my tax attorney. Just normal every day shit. I’m looking forward to it…the normalcy.

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