a classic stl muni court tale

I went to court this afternoon to pull some warrants, and there was a dude in the waiting area who was singing and dancing while waiting on the courtroom to be unlocked. He was singing that Rod Stewart song that goes something like, “Some guys have all the luck/some guys have all the pain/some guys get all the breaks/some guys do nothing but complain…” The funny thing is that it didn’t even occur to me that this was in any way unusual. This sort of shit happens all the time at city court.

Later, I was getting compliance letters from the clerk, and this same dude was standing around waiting for me. He asked if I was an attorney, and I reluctantly said yes (lol), because I knew what was coming. He then launched into a very confusing tale regarding his situation and need for legal assistance, of course. We talked for about 20 minutes, and I still cannot tell you wtf he has going on. Some kind of “maybe traffic mixed with a little domestic violence because he wouldn’t get off the porch, but he doesn’t remember because it was three years ago, and it isn’t his fault the judge kicked him out of the courtroom for calling him beautiful, because he forgot that men don’t like to be called beautiful” type of situation.

And me, being the absolute sucker that I am, took pity on this poor fool, because he is clearly mentally ill, and gave him my card. I gave him some advice, told him to go home and call my office so we can run his name/dob and find out wtf is going on, and hopefully he will follow through. He seems like a genuinely nice person.

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