12:05 am

I have to be up in 5-ish hours, but I’m feeling wired, despite having taken a sleeping pill.

D is snoring next to me. ❤️

He’s so sad; just really struggling. It makes me sad to see him like this. I just want him to be happy again.

It has almost been a month. How is that even possible?

I’m growing more concerned about Coronavirus now that I’m about to start Ibrance. It’s going to further suppress my immune system.

The bankruptcy seminar I was supposed to attend on Friday has been canceled. I wonder what else will get canceled before this is over. The kids are on spring break next week and I’m kind of wondering if it will end up being extended.

I ate like shit today. I need to get that under control. I have to take a break from running too, because I fucked up my leg. Hopefully just a few days.

We watched more Discovery tonight. I’m obsessed.

I’m overwhelmed by all the interactions I’ve been having recently, but I also feel compelled to spread awareness about metastatic breast cancer. It’s completely misunderstood. If I can help even one person, that is worth the effort.

I hope Thursday will be kind. The morning schedule is kind of ugly. I’ll be ending my day by meeting my psychologist for the first time, and I’m a little nervous about that.

Sigh. I really hope I don’t lose my hair. It’s a potential side effect. It would more likely be a thinning, but still. Ugh.

Oh and they gave me this binder to put all of my records and stuff into, but it cracks me up because it’s just trying so damn hard to be peaceful:

Cancer isn’t a walk in the woods, bro. I’d rather have a binder showing chemo particles with machine guns killing cancer cells or some such shit. Or a binder that says fuck cancer. This is just lame af. Handy tho. Maybe I’ll make my own cover for it. When D sees this one, he rages.

I’m trying to stay positive. After all, the only thing I can control is my attitude. I’m still trying to find the humor and joy in every day.

Peace & love. ❤️

PS: my Unique Vintage order arrived yesterday, so I should have some cute outfits to post soon.

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