I have spent the past several days arguing with family on Facebook, which I have mentioned here. I went through this morning and unfriended the majority of my family – as they are the ones who continuously post hateful, racist, pro-Trump statements. Engaging with them doesn’t change their minds, no matter how patient I am, and so I am done. For a long time now, I haven’t been using Facebook much because I hated most of the people on there. Now I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Good riddance.
I haven’t unfriended or blocked my mom yet, but I will if she pushes me too hard. I still have her hidden – so I don’t see her content unless I go looking for it, which I did last night. It is clear that she was posting shit to try to get at me. She’s clearly upset with me for calling her out. My sister texted me a screenshot of a text exchange they had where my mom was talking shit about me. It’s fine. I can let that pass. I don’t really care tbh.
There is so much ignorance and hate in this world.
I’m feeling good for calling these people out though. During my last therapy session, Sarah and I discussed my legacy – specifically: what changes can I make now to live the kind of life I want to be remembered for. I told her that I used to be very vocal about political (and other) issues near and dear to my heart, but that in the last ten years or so I have bottled it all up to try to live in calm and peace. I lived most of my life with so much conflict all the time, that I was tired of fighting, you know? But, as I told Sarah, I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to speak out/fight for what I know is right – regardless of who it angers or alienates. Even if those people are my family. Why have I been putting my thoughts and feelings on the back burner for people who don’t even give a shit about me? Just to avoid conflict? That is not the Jenn I used to be, and it isn’t the one I want to be now.
I have another therapy session this afternoon, and I am excited to talk to Sarah about my progress. I never want to stop learning and growing as a person – even if I don’t have as much time to do so as I had hoped.
In other news:
I have started a different psoriatic arthritis medication – just today actually. I am bummed about having to give up Xeljanz, but my docs think it is too risky for me to be on two different immunosuppressants, and I guess I can’t really blame them given the Covid situation. I’ve been on this medication before (Otezla) and it works okay. Sigh. I hope the joint pain doesn’t get too terrible. I have enough issues.
Speaking of Covid – yesterday I almost went to get tested because I felt so terrible. In the end I decided against it because Sudafed, Allegra, and Tylenol fixed the issues. I think I’m just having really awful allergies this year. The thing that keeps worrying me is this weird tightness in my chest that comes and goes, but I read that can be caused by allergies as well.
The running is going really well. I have my longest run yet to do tonight. I’m doing it on the treadmill because it is hot as fuck outside. I hate summer.
D and I had a fabulous weekend, and that has transitioned into a fabulous (so far) week. Last night, we had a really fun night together, which turned into some really hot sex. In fact, the sex has been frequent and very hot here recently. We were talking last night about how the best thing to ever come from doing a swap is how hot we are for each other afterward.
My new site is live (not the redesign – just the domain) and, as anticipated, my SEO ranking has fallen. I hope we can recover quickly. I’m trying not to obsess about it, but I am totally obsessing about it.
And on that note – I will end things and try to get some work done before therapy starts.