My boobs are so sore today (especially the cancer boob) from the mammogram and ultrasound yesterday. And all the pushing and prodding from four (yes, four) different doctors.

I have a biopsy next Tuesday. They say I have a lot of necrotic fat deposits, which this could be, but that is looks, “weird” so they need to biopsy it.

Sigh.

My stomach is hurting too, and it’s weird because it hurts to touch it. I don’t know what is up with that, but you know where my mind goes: mets. Lobular carcinoma (my type of cancer) like to met to the stomach, and it’s hard to see on scans.

Does it even really matter anymore though? That’s what I was thinking yesterday, when they were trying to decide if the mass is cancerous or benign. What does it matter really? I have cancer all over this body, and we may kill it, but then it will come back, because that’s how it goes.

I’m so fucking tired of talking and thinking about cancer, but this is my life now.

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