How is it already Sunday evening?
I haven’t felt well all weekend. The fatigue is real. I’m having trouble sleeping, and then when I finally do sleep, I wake up startled from a nightmare. I guess that’s not surprising given the amount of horror I’ve been consuming. Ugh – and the hot flashes. They seem worse than ever somehow. I’m constantly uncomfortable. Also – panic attacks for whatever reason. I am a mess.
My mom didn’t end up coming over on Friday once she heard I was feeling poorly. I felt bad about that, because I really did want to see her, but it was probably for the best, because I wasn’t in a fabulous mood. On Friday night, I still made the big Italian feast: lasagna, garlic bread, and a salad. After dinner, the four of us watched Ragnorak.
I dragged ass all day on Saturday, and spent most of my time reading. I had a pretty major insomnia/Xanax induced hangover. I felt like a zombie. I did suck it up to do a three mile run, because it was my last day to hit my weekly goal. It was really tough, like really, really tough. At one point, I thought I was going to pass out. But I got it done, son. Go, cancer bitch!
Saturday night, we went to South City to have dinner with L&P, whom we haven’t seen in at least a year. In that time, they relocated to a super cute house. We had Mexican food out on their patio, and then smoked much weed. We took a joint home with us, and finished smoking that before bed. We really need a new weed supply. Everything I’ve smoked recently has been superior. I’m going to be getting my medical card soon. I heard the MO dispensaries are finally supposed to open next month. *fingers crossed*
I have no qualms about being a pot head at this point. I have metastatic breast cancer. Enough said.
The downside to being a pot head: I had a bunch of fun size packages of Reese’s Pieces. Mmm. I’m such a fucking chub. At this point, when I mention being fat, nobody rushes to tell me I’m not, which is how I know it’s true. Lol. On the one hand, I care, but on the other… Whatever. I have a plan, but I’m not going to obsess over it. Moving on. There is more to life than weight.
The law firm is struggling in this current economic environment. There haven’t been foreclosures, evictions, or repos in months, which obviously affects my business. Filings are WAY down. I’m worried I’m going to have to lay off one of my employees. I def can’t pay myself, and haven’t in a while. I haven’t even paid the September office rent. Weirdly – I’m not too stressed. Whatever will be, will be. D and I are financially stable, so I just have to ride it out and hope for the best. I do have a card up my sleeve, but I’m not sure if I want to play it. Hello, vagueblogging!!
This afternoon, I brought lunch to M’s house, and we chatted about all of her recent misfortunes, which are pretty fucking crazy. She lives super close to me now, and I foresee us growing closer. We talked about a lot of personal shit, quite candidly, and I feel like she sees me sort of as an older sister/role model. I’m 11 years older than her, but that doesn’t seem to matter when we’re together. I’m happy she has chosen to trust me. I’m only one of a few people she has confided in, and I hope I helped her today. We made plans to swim next weekend. She now has access to a heated pool and hot tub. Win!
Okay this is long, and dinner is ready. It’s time to eat and watch a movie with my love. Even when things are kind of crappy, they’re still good. ❤️