Oof – the chemo brain is real. I’m just walking around in a perpetual brain fog. I used to be sharp; a bitch with a long ass memory. Nowadays, I can’t remember if I did something five minutes ago. Today I forgot that my child was in the house until he said good morning to me. I was legit startled. I didn’t set an alarm to wake him up for school, but luckily D did it for me. I took Trazadone and Tylenol PM last night, and finally got some good sleep. Fuck I needed it. I feel like a human instead of a zombie today.
Talked to my psychiatrist this morning. She is fucking amazeballs. She’s got a drug for everything and isn’t afraid to use that prescription pad. I have learned just how important palliative care is when living with MBC, so I am forever grateful to her. I will be starting gabapentin tonight, which should help with pain, anxiety, and sleep, but most importantly, it is supposed to be a miracle worker for hot flashes/night sweats. I am super excited. I wake up several times a night drenched in sweat. It is no bueno.
She even mentioned going on a low dose of Ritalin in the future to help with my brain fog/concentration issues. We aren’t there yet, but it’s good to know it’s available if/when I need it.
I also started a super low dose estrogen suppository this week, which will help plump up my vag tissue. I have some atrophy from all the years of estrogen suppression, and sex has gotten a bit painful. Y’all know this bitch loves to fuck, so I told my doc we had to fix it. I am not afraid to talk to my doctors about sex, and I write candidly about these things here because this blog has become a resource for women living with breast cancer. The drug I’m using is called Imvexxy, and I can honestly already tell a slight difference after just one dose. I know a lot of women with ER/PR+ breast cancer (like mine) are reluctant to try low dose estrogen, but the studies show that it is safe, and doesn’t enter the bloodstream, when used vaginally. It really does make a HUGE difference, too.
I have a consultation in a couple of weeks with my plastic surgeon regarding Geneveve, which is a procedure that restores collagen in the vagina. We will have to pay out of pocket for it, as it is considered an elective procedure (don’t get me started on this bullshit), but it will be well worth it considering the reviews I have read. I feel lucky that it is something we can afford to do, and I am hopeful that I will have good results.
So yeah – I’m fighting the disease itself but also the side effects of the treatments. I don’t know how much time I have left, but I intend to squeeze out every last ounce of enjoyment I can. What is the point of fighting to live as long as possible if we are miserable the entire time?