calm like a bomb

Parenting is hard.
The teen had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. I’m so grateful she reached out to me instead of self-harming, but now we are both exhausted. Jackson had a meltdown on the way to school. He’s really struggling with pandemic fatigue, and the fact that his mom is dying. On my to-do list today: call therapists.

I’m grateful for work distractions today. I had a big docket this morning. I have a smaller one this afternoon. Oh and then a phone call with a young client and his mother.

My bestie is coming over tonight and I CANNOT WAIT.

I have so many amazing people in my life. I feel so loved and grateful.

So I’m doing a thing: I’m writing the story of my life to leave behind for the kids. It’s very new; as in I just started the word doc today. It’s probably going to suck, but it feels important. Maybe more so for me than for them.

Sometimes I think I should get back into therapy, but mostly I think I need to write out my feelings more regularly. I used to be so good about it. It is so cathartic, and I need to make it a priority – hence this post.

So yeah – I’m kind of on the struggle bus today. I’m not really sad today so much as angry. I think I need to dig into the anger more. The sadness is easy. I mean – of course I’m sad. But I’m deeply angry too. I think that requires its own post, however, because it is a lot.

You know what else is a lot? Parenting a teenage girl. Holy fucking moly, you guys. Sometimes she feels like a box of dynamite. Handle with extreme fucking care – lol.

Not that I really have room to talk.

Astrology-wise, I’m a Cancer Sun and Moon, so I like to call myself a Double Cancer, but now I guess I’m actually a Triple Cancer. You know how I always gotta be extra.

I’m trying my best, y’all. That’s all a bitch can do.

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