I talked to my oncologist three times today. It seems that, after reviewing the MRI, neither she nor the radiologist believes there is cancer in my spine, though there does appear to be a benign tumor in the right hip, which is likely causing the pain.

This fuck up in communication began in the ER, where apparently the radiologist checked my scan against a scan from 20 fucking-18 an noted lots of metastatic changes. YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT, BRO.

I’ll have clearer answers after bone scan scheduled on Thursday. And, I get that this is likely very good news, but I just can’t get happy about it right now. I want off this fucking rollercoaster. I’m going to fucking stroke out from all the stress. I had gotten myself all hyped up to die within the next year. Like seriously I’m going to end up back in the psych ward.

I feel like I can’t trust anything medical professionals say to me. Like I can’t trust anything ever actually. Sometimes I just want it to be over with already.