It’s my last night in my own bed until Sunday, and I can’t get comfortable. I’m wide awake, and anxious for some reason. I feel like my heart is going to explode, and like I want to crawl out of my skin.

Tomorrow/today (it’s 12:21 am) is the start of Bestie Weekend. We can check into our condo at noon. We’re staying local – just headed down to the city for the next two nights. I’m pretty excited, but also worried that my health issues will fuck it all up. That’s why I wanted to stick close to home. I’m not feeling up to a road trip.

I miss sleeping on my stomach. It has been nine years since I was last able to do so. These fucking implants hurt too much in that position. Just another thing cancer stole from me: my favorite sleeping position.

D and I had a nice night celebrating our anniversary. Dinner was too rich though, and now I’m feeling a bit sick. I have a huge slice of complimentary carrot cake in the fridge that I didn’t even get to taste. I’m sure the kids will be more than happy to eat it for me. Lol.

Oysters, lobster bisque, fried shrimp, fries, lobster risotto, a martini, and a moscow mule. Yep…that’ll do it. Hey – it was a celebration. Don’t judge!

And I wonder why I keep gaining weight.

I’ve found that beer and wine are big time headache inducers for me now, but cocktails are safe in moderation. Still, I seem to have lost the taste for most alcohol. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s a chemo thing? All I know is that I live in pretty much constant fear of triggering another migraine.

It’s 12:30 now. It’s cool and dark. I have a lightly snoring husband next to me, and a cat curled up by my side. These are optimal sleeping conditions. What is the deal with this insomnia??!!

It’s occurs to me that I’m just a boring, self-indulgent, middle-aged mess nowadays. And with that I bid you goodnight.