I feel like the only person in the world who’s actually enjoying the cold weather. It’s so clean and refreshing.
I woke up this morning and the headache is still here, but diminished. I’ll take what I can get.
I want to be productive today. I also want to be lazy today. There really isn’t time for both.
Last night was messy. I’ve been in a bad way, and had a break down during dinner. That caused D to spiral. He was essentially begging me to go off my diet. To not add more on top of everything else. I told him my concerns. I don’t even know what I want anymore. Everything feels like too much.
Do I need to lose weight or do I need to lose my self-hatred? Do they go hand in hand? Does any of this matter? Will I ever be happy?
Going back to work has been harder than I anticipated. I need to cut back the hours. My brain doesn’t work properly and my body is exhausted.
Same day, same shit.
I was upstairs going through my personal closet, and found some things I want to starry wearing. A bunch of hats, and some dresses that have always been too big. Fuck it – I’ll belt them. I have this urge to dress like a lady from the 20s – cloche hats and tea length dresses. I’m going to lean into this whim.
I’ll be back later. For now…more rest.