I said what I said.

My body is always tensed/clenched, which means my muscles are always sore. One of my goals for the week is to do some yoga. Even just 20 or 30 min. I need to be nicer to my poor body.

It’s Sunday night, and I hate it. I have a light day tomorrow, but I’m not ready to leave the chill bliss of this weekend. It has been a good one. D and I are both noticeably more relaxed. We so needed this. I feel closer to him.

Speaking of goals, these are mine for this week.

  • Yoga (1x)
  • Drink more water.
  • Walk (1x)
  • Make the physical therapy appointment.
  • Eat low carb when I can, but don’t be crazy about it.
  • Go into the office Tuesday and Thursday.

Pretty simple, right? Yet somehow life always gets in the way.

I should add to my list of goals: no trips to the ER.

I now have 4 epi pens in the house. I put one in my bag. I’m that person now. Like I wasn’t extra enough.

This week there will be lots of hats and brooches. And heart patterns! It’s just about that time!!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

The next several weekends are busy for us. In fact, I think we’re about to be booked to March, which is very good for the husband’s seasonal depression.

I will admit to having anxiety about the LS trip we gave in a couple of weeks. Nothing has to happen, and D and I are both completely on the same page. I just have this voice in my head saying that I’m too unattractive to even be there. I’m having a lot of body image issues lately, obvi, but for some reason my mastectomy has really been an issue again as of late. I feel so inadequate. No tits, no ovaries, no uterus…am I still a woman? Now I’m heavier, more wrinkled, less shiny…am I still attractive? It’s difficult. And society doesn’t help, of course. I feel like a fucking hag most of the time. That’s why I keep telling myself I may as well be who I want to be, because nobody is paying attention anyway. I feel invisible.

This got long.

I’m going to go finish this awful book about a house that grows legs and starts walking around (yep). I do love the title: “Man, Fuck This House.” But that’s, by far, the best thing about it. At least it was free?

I’m not a quitter!!


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