I’m having a lot of anxiety today, and I’m having a difficult time not taking things personally. I didn’t sleep much last night, so I know that’s part of the problem. I had a little anxiety attack a bit ago. I took an Ativan and I’m hoping that helps. I’m also hoping that blogging out my thoughts will help.

• I feel worthless.
• I feel like a disappointment.
• I feel like a burden.
• I feel unattractive.
• I feel invisible.

You know what’s weird? I thought I’d be closer to dead already, and that’s bringing a weird anxiety of its own. What the fuck am I supposed to be doing now? How long term should I be thinking? Should I suck it up and try to go back to work full-time? Was it foolish to give up my law firm? Should I change careers? Should I try to enjoy my “retirement”?

I don’t know

I don’t know

I don’t know what to do.

REMEMBER:

Time ain’t gonna cure you
Honey, time don’t give a shit
Time ain’t gonna cure you
Honey, time’s just gonna hit on you

(Tape Song: The Kills)

For now, I will ride out the anxiety wave. I will go fold laundry. I will walk. I will have dinner with my family. I will drink a Truly Fruit Punch and hope it takes the edge off. Maybe a tequila shot (or two), and definitely some of that peyote wifi.

I will give myself some credit: I’m killing it on the mom/step-mom front. I can feel good about that.