I had bloodwork today at the cancer center, and my tumor markers are going up. It could be nothing or it could be an early sign that the treatment is failing. I hate this shit so much. I feel like I walk around with an axe hanging over my head.

I spent most of the day doing stuff to help get steps in: cleaning, running, grocery shopping, walking while reading. I’m at like 22,000 steps for the day, and my feet are killing me, but I feel good about it. Oh and I did another couch to 5k training run too.

I’m so fucking boring, I know.

I finally met some people I’ve been chatting with in person on Saturday night. Now I’m chatting and setting up dates. We also seem to have a new “regular” couple. That has been a bit of a surprising development, but it’s also been good. Fun. I need fun.

I’m worried that I’m running out of time, and so I’m almost manic in certain aspects of my life. I want to do all the things like right fucking now. I feel like I have to cram in all the living possible. I want to do those drugs, fuck that person, buy that thing, go on that trip…you get the idea.

I mean…what am I waiting for?

For now, I’m going to hit this bong and eat my skinny cow ice cream sandwich.

xoxo