During dinner conversation last night, I felt a bit weird because D and S were chatting about work stuff and I felt like I had nothing to contribute. I feel like I’m barely even a lawyer anymore. Everyone is moving up in their careers, and I’m over here feeling excited about being declared disabled. It’s a tough pill to swallow.
I’m going to lunch with my boss tomorrow to discuss moving forward in light of my disability. I have to be very careful about my hours and how much I make. There are rigid rules. I think he’s going to be disappointed though, because he wants me in the office more, and I’m just not up to it. He doesn’t seem to grasp how sick I actually am. I guess I fake it too well? I just hate people feeling sorry for me, so I try to present as fine even when I’m not. I even do it with the kids. D is the only one who sees the real me nowadays.
The newest side effect is my teeth and gums hurting. Xgeva is known for causing such issues. I’m just…fucked up about it. I can’t even get dental work until I’ve been off the meds for several months. But then I think of the guy I know with throat cancer who just had ten teeth removed to prepare for radiation. Ugh ugh ugh.
Fuck cancer in the ass with a huge dick and no lube.