The State Of Things On 5/21 @ 2:46 AM.

  • I am so bloated from the peritoneal mets. I look pregnant. It looks terrible, and hurts like hell. Thanks, I hate it.
  • I haven’t pooped in days, despite taking laxatives and stool softeners. I doubled down on the meds, so hopefully later today. If not…UGHHHH.
  • Freya’s choir concert (number 2) was tonight, and she was brilliant and beautiful, per usual. They sang these two songs by Eric Whitaker, which are about a lady with metastatic breast cancer with mets to the liver and peritoneum. D and Karen both cried. Luckily, Jackson was tired and bored so he didn’t catch on. I was stone faced. I refused to be sucked in. Both songs were really sad, but “Dear Friends” was like a punch to the gut.
  • My first round of Xeloda will be here on Monday. My schedule is two weeks on, one week off for recovery. 4 pills twice daily, though she’s starting me off at 3×2 for the first course to see how I tolerate it. The list of side effects is horrendous. And yet I can’t wait to get started.
  • I have a gf who is in a relationship with a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, lying, cheating, manipulative, mysoginistic, fuck face. They are currently broken up, and he’s losing his GD mind trying to get her back under his control. He’s essentially stalking her now, and going back and forth between raging at her and promising her the fucking moon. She’s so close to taking him back, and I’m really sad that she’s too broken to have the inner power needed to tell him to get straight fucked. I’m still supporting her, but it’s getting difficult for me. I’ve made it clear that I don’t support her going back to him, but I love her and support her as a friend/her right to choose what she believes is the right decision for her.
  • I’m enraged tho. I just want to punch this dude in his nuts. I’d love to help her obtain an order of protection against him. It’s also super frustrating, because, via FB posts, he’s gotten almost the entire LS community on his side. Nobody really knows her side of the story. Ugh – fuck this fucking asshole.
  • Speaking of the LS, D and I have decided we’re done with it. We need to focus on us at this point. We’d still be open to being with friends under the right circumstances, and going to certain parties just to hang with friends, but we will not be seeking new connections.
  • There’s currently a thunderstorm raging and it’s fucking glorious. I’m going to sign off and enjoy it.
  • xoxo
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