This probability doesn’t make sense, and I’m sorry

I think I mentioned this before, but I fall asleep during blogging now, and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t been updating as frequently.

Yesterday, after I had treatment at the cancer center (fluids and nausea meds), Annie and I went shopping. We went a little cray at TJ MAXX, but I have no regrets. I bought this really roomy night gown, which turned out to fit more like a muumuu. I joked around about it with my husband, because he hates those, and he goes, “Whatever you need, babe,” and that’s how I know he’s so fucked up about everything right now. Normally, he’d tease me mercilessly.

My dreams are so vivid, and I hate it. I need my husband back. I feel vulnerable and frightened, and it’s reflected in my dreams. I wake up yelling out for people or just in alarm.

I’m sorry for the increased frequency of typos. I can hardly concentrate or even just stay awake, and my vision is blurry. I’ll write again more once I’m properly awake. It’s only 5:18 am.

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