I woke up around 4 am feeling super nauseated. I did some dry heaving, but nothing came of that. Luckily, I woke up again later feeling better. I don’t know what is going on with my body anymore, but it sucks donkey dick.

If I end up switching to IV chemo, then I most likely won’t have hair for much longer. I was supposed to get my hair cut and colored on Thursday, but obviously couldn’t make it since I was so sick. Now I wonder if I’ll even need to bother rescheduling that appointment.

I wish I knew what we’d decide to do on Monday, but I’m also enjoying the whole “ignorance is bliss” situation. I keep telling myself to enjoy the present and stop worrying. I control nothing besides my reactions.

It’s Saturday. D and I had plans to clean up the deck, but I’m not sure I’m feeling it. I’m not entirely sure what I want to do. I’ll probably want to go out later. I’ve spent so much time cooped up in the house, that I’ve been craving the chaos of being out in public; you know – that thing I usually hate. Haha. D told me we can do whatever I want, so I need to figure out what that is. For now, I’m content lying in bed and fucking around on my phone. I need to find a new book to start. I also have some birthday shopping to do. Both D and Frey have birthdays coming up.

I’ve been consuming a lot of television lately. Strange New Worlds is my favorite. Captain Pike is just tasty, and the stories are so good. This past week, I binged most of the first season of How To Get Away With Murder, and I’m really digging it. How did it escape my attention for so long?? Last night, D and I started For All Mankind, and it’s great, much better than I was expecting. Oh and I’m not so patiently awaiting the return of Better Call Saul. There are just so many amazing TV shows right now. Movies have become a major disappointment.

It feels good to write here again like a somewhat normal person. I hate being so doom and gloom all the time. Remember when I had a personality that didn’t revolve around cancer? Gah – I miss that woman muchly.