I woke up around 2:40 feeling nauseated. I cannot even begin to describe how done I am with this bullshit. I’m feeling a bit better now. But I’m wide awake – so that sucks.
I don’t know why I’m writing here, because I have nothing to say. I guess I’m just lonely and bored. I haven’t been as into reading recently, so that doesn’t sound appealing right now. And I’m too lazy to get up and watch something.
I think I need a horror break. I’ve been consuming a lot of it this year, and it’s become a bit of a slog. Nothing feels fresh or new anymore. Also, it’s a bit of a downer, obvi, and I have enough darkness in my life right now without adding more. I think I need to read a few palette cleansing feel-good type books.
A current project I’m working on is getting all my pics organized. I realized that half were in Google and half in iCloud, so I’m uploading them all to Google Photo now. I want D and the kids to have easy access to everything when I’m gone. Plus, I need easier access for some photo books I want to make.
There are all kinds of little projects like this that need to be tackled. Making sure all the bills are on auto pay. Writing down all my passwords. Putting together keepsake boxes for the fam. Purging and organizing and gifting. Writing letters. Making videos. It’s a lot. I’m trying to break it down into small projects.
It may sound depressing, but it actually makes me happy and gives me purpose to know that I’m doing work that will bring them comfort later. It’s like I’m taking care of them in advance, and they don’t even know it. It won’t make up for not being present, but it’s the best I can do.
D and I joked around over the weekend about how I should make him a video about his inevitable future breakups due to being hung up on me, where I tell him that bitch was trash and she wasn’t even that hot. Lol.
It’s true tho. Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby.
2 thoughts on “4:19 am”
I’m so glad you’re leaving pieces of you behind for all of us, most importantly the kids. I wish I had more of my dad.
Hugs to you ♥️
I’m thankful to live in a time where it’s so easy to leave a footprint behind.
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