I’ve been planning a big party for my birthday, but I think I’m going to cancel it. I’m not good with big crowds anymore. I feel isolated yet over stimulated. It’s just too much when I’m already not feeling well.

It’s weird to feel so alone when you’re surrounded by people.

At one point, a friend’s boyfriend made a joke about how tough it is to cut through breast tissue, hence the phrase “tough titty,” and I was the only one not laughing as I had flash backs to my bilateral mastectomy.

I’m not the same person anymore. I, at the very least, have to accept that reality.