For now, I fight.

My oncologist is out until tomorrow so I won’t know her thoughts until then. I am communicating with her nurse about my bowel regimen. How delightful. Lol.

The good news is that I have had some progress on that front, which has provided some relief. I’m trying to avoid taking narcotics since they exacerbate the problem. The heating pad helps.

I am extremely bloated. It’s better than yesterday, but I look six months pregnant. Violet is currently making biscuits on my belly. 😂

I went to the Breast Cancer Foundation discussion boards, and found some threads by women with the same issues. It’s ugly. I may need to take some Xanax.

Obviously, we had to cancel our road trip to Colorado. I’m not sure I’ll ever road trip again. I need to stay close to a bathroom at all times. I have accidents. I’m considering buying Depends for when I need to leave the house. I cannot believe this is my life at 43 years old.

It’s super dark right now at 3:30 pm. A storm is rolling in. I welcome it with open arms. A good, raging storm matches my mood.

I’m trying to move as much as possible, and stay hydrated. I’m also trying to keep my mind busy, but it’s difficult.

How far am I willing to go? How much am I willing to suffer for more time? I have a feeling I’m going to have to answer those questions soon.

But for now: I’m still here.

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One thought on “For now, I fight.

  1. Oh god, Jenn. I am so sorry to hear this. I am over here, silently holding so much love and space for you. You’re so strong, and I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. SO so so much love your way. <3

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