I woke up feeling a lot better. Thank goodness – I needed a break. I was able to take Jackson to school, though I was a bit grumpy while doing so. I’m just so fucking tired, and I hate it when people start making demands on me first thing in the morning (he wanted to stop to get a fucking slurpee, which I did end up doing but ugh). So I napped for an hour when I got home, which helped. I was able to go to the DMV to get my disabled placard (yes, I’m that bitch now), then to grab lunch, and finally to get my hair buzzed again. Doesn’t sound like much, I know, but it was exhausting for me. So much so that I fell asleep again and slept through my palliative care appointment. Oops.
An older lady at the hair salon told me I’m beautiful, which was sweet. It’s hard to feel attractive given all the changes with my body, but I’m also trying to transcend the need to be attractive at all. Looks aren’t important. I should be concentrating on strengthening relationships and making memories. I know this, but it’s easier said than done. Especially as I feel my marriage becoming less of a romantic partnership and more of a best friendship. This is a normal thing in a situation like ours, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.
This shit is hard, bro.